The Conspiracy that Matters

I will find them,
For they are always and only
Part of one's own
Process and projection.
If I go looking for conspiracies,
If I believe in conspiracies,
It will make me paranoid,
And that implies I am afraid
Of more than what I see
The threat to be.
If I fear for my safety or my life,
I could arm myself,
So that the one
Behind the threat I feel
Is now afraid of me.
And if we live in fear of one another,
It is important to remember
That the mongers of fear
Would have us
Live in fear forever.
Now, constantly wary
Of the others' claws,
We take our stance,
We hold the ground
And do not cross the lines
Beyond the glares and stares,
And verbal gestures and assaults.
The standoff is as much
A battle as a war;
With gritted teeth
And eyes afire,
With words of hate
And feelings that we
Fashion into cause,
We wait.
We wait, because we are not certain
Of the reason and the rhyme.
We wait while others talk.
With weapons poised or hidden,
We wait and make it known
We will not be the ones
To draw first blood.
This might prevent
The violence for a while…
But is it peace?
I look for peace within myself;
In my actions and my thoughts,
In the feeling of the moment,
In the space I occupy.
The conspiracy that matters
Waits for me there as well.
I do not seek it out;
It lingers there behind me,
A little to the left.